Unshed Emotions
by Dr Lecter ME
Summary: Clarice regrets her decision at the lake house. Would a confrontation with Dr Lecter make her feel better? COMPLETE
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: The characters of Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling belong to Thomas Harris. For now, I am only using them to try to entertain you.  
  
Chapter One  
  
"Would you ever say to me, stop if you loved me you'd stop?"  
  
That question was always with Clarice Starling. Every minute of every day. That's all she would think about. Why didn't she say yes? Why didn't she return his kiss? It all came down to one thing. Morals.  
  
Everything that happened that night was a disaster. From everyone's point of view. Including the late Paul Krendler. Yes she hated him. Yes she felt angered at what he said to her, but no one deserved that, for her to witness it was unjustly. One of her own and she just let it happen. She let Dr Lecter give Paul a lobotomy; she let him feed Paul his own brain. In addition, she had let him go.  
  
This tore her up inside, she missed Dr Lecter terribly, and everything reminded her of him. Did he feel the same? Did he feel the emptiness she did?  
  
She looked at her wrist. The wrist that had been handcuffed to Dr Lecter's hand. It still burned. Remembering the cleaver hit the chain, the jolt of pain that had been directed at Dr Lecter. She closed her eyes; a silent tear escaped her eye. It was a tear of pain. A tear of anguish. She opened her eyes, looking around her livingroom, it reminded her that she had earned nothing out of the ten years she had been with the FBI.  
  
She got up from the sofa and made her way up to her bathroom. What she needed was a hot steaming shower to relax her. She switched the shower on and let it run a while, while she undressed. Taking off her sweatshirt and bra, she noticed the red little scar. Pain struck her again. Once she had stripped, she walked into the shower. Steam surrounding her tired and exhausted body. She sighed with contentment and started to wash her hair. The smell of lavender surrounding her senses. As she opened her eyes, there was a dream like air. Hot and steamy. She smiled a little. It was the first time she had smiled in weeks. Maybe she was cheering up. As she washed her hair, she believed that everything would be all right.  
  
Dr Lecter picked the lock to her front door. He had waited until she had moved upstairs until he entered. As he walked in, he inhaled a long breath of air. He smiled at what he smelt. The unique smell of his Clarice. She was HIS Clarice. After everything they had been through. After the personal things Clarice had told him. She had trusted him. She was the first person to trust him since his incarceration. Every time he had a brief glimpse of her, his heart skipped a beat. Literally. At first he was scared. He didn't know what was happening to him. That was until he came to terms with his being in love with Clarice. They were meant to be together. They both knew it. Yes he had been surprised at her answer to his question at Paul Krendlers lake house, but that's what made her more special. She was too unpredictable. She was strong, she was a warrior. Things could have turned out differently, he could have been killed at masons, but she had surprised him yet again. She came to his rescue. His lips twitched into a smile at the small recollection.  
  
He closed the door silently and listened for any movement. He heard the shower running. She was having a shower. He walked up the stairs silently not wanting to alarm her. Scaring Clarice was something he did not want to do. He ran his hand up her banister, touching something she must have touched also. He made his way to the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar. She had came out of the shower and was now wrapped up in a towel. She hummed softly as she wrapped her wet hair into another towel. She looked exquisite. Beautiful. He had been living off memories of her. How beautiful she had been. But dear god, it was nothing like being up close to her and actually seeing her. She smelled of lavender and soap. He felt as if he was in heaven, but how would she feel if she knew he was here? Would she call the authorities? Would she try to hit him over the head with something once again? She was unpredictable, and so he was surprised when she darted out of the bathroom and pinned him to the ground. She stared into those eyes. Those earth shattering eyes. He broke the silence.  
  
"Clarice"  
  
A/n : Well please review. It's taken me some time to think this story line up and actually go through with it. 


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: The characters of Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling belong to Thomas Harris. For now, I am only using them to try to entertain you.  
  
Chapter Two  
  
At first she thought she was imagining it. Someone in her house? Breaking in? Quickly she jumped from the shower and wrapped herself in a towel. Her mind was spinning. Panicking she wrapped her hair into a twist. She stood still for a moment. She couldn't hear a thing. It was at times like these you wished you never fixed that creaking floorboard. Wait! Yes, someone was making his or her way up the stairs, silently and slowly. She got herself ready. Standing still she pretended not to hear the intruder.  
  
That's right Clarice; pretend you never heard the bastard. Then, when they try to sneak a look at your naked butt. You pounce! She looked to the edge of the door. There was a little slit, someone would be able to see her standing there. Then she saw the intruders shadow. It was then she decided to pounce. She quickly opened the door and flew herself at the intruder. She fell into the bastards chest and flattened him. He was momentarily shocked. She let out a breath of air and looked down to the intruders face. What she saw astounded her.  
  
Dr Lecter! He was lying underneath her. He was as surprised as she was. She stared into those eyes. She felt as if she was falling into a black hole. She couldn't take her eyes away from his. He said her name.  
  
"Clarice"  
  
No one said her name the way he did. It rolled off his tongue. It hung in the air for minutes. It made her knees weaken. It made shivers go up and down her spine. She shook herself. 'Clarice, you cant feel this way. Sure, you've missed him, but he's a criminal, a serial killer. If you did get together, hypothetically speaking. Once he was bored of you, he'd kill you and eat you.'  
  
However, the other voice tried to persuade her of her feelings.  
  
'Sure he's a criminal, but look at him. Look at the love in those eyes. He loves you Clarice, you, and him both know it. Why don't you two put those feeling into action. You guys were meant to be together. It's now or never. If you don't take matters into your own hands this time, this could be the last time you see him, alive.'  
  
She stared into those eyes once again and she spoke for the first time since this meeting.  
  
"Dr Lecter, what the fuck do you think your doing breaking into my house and sneaking up on me?"  
  
He looked at her, the way her jaw clenched. He smiled a little and cleared his throat.  
  
"To see you of course Ex Special Agent Starling. I must say, seeing you with nothing more but a towel clothing your body, is having quite the affect on me."  
  
He winked at her. He could see she was embarrassed. She grew red in the face. Her cheeks burned. Damnit, how could he say that? The cheek of him.  
  
She got up off him, checking that her towel was still in place. She glared at him. He looked at her and stood up, brushing himself off. Clarice felt uncomfortable standing there. He was fully clothed while; one yank of the towel and all her flesh would be bared.  
  
"Dr Lecter, while me standing here with nothing but a towel on might amuse you. I'm feeling rather cold. I'm going to change, try anything, and ill shoot you on the spot, without any hesitation. Do you understand?"  
  
He looked at her and put his hands up as if he were surrendering.  
  
"Understood."  
  
She walked to her bedroom and closed the door. Dressing herself in a pair of woollen trousers and a white shirt, stood at the mirror and looked at herself. Her eyes were all black from the lack of sleep. There were crinkles at the end of her eyes. That was one way of showing herself how old she was actually getting. She was too thin. Even she knew that. Looking at herself, she knew she looked ill. A couple of months everything was all right. Ardelia, still kept in touch, they were still friends. They used to go out for a couple of drinks a couple of nights a week. To her friends, Clarice looked as if she were coping. However, inside she was a wreck. Sure she tried to have a good time, but that didn't drive away the memories. That's all she ever heard. That one question. It was tearing her to pieces, but now he was here. She could tell him everything; she could explain how she felt these past few months. She could break down into tears and he wouldn't see her as weak. He would see her as being truthful to herself. If anything, honesty was the best policy.  
  
She turned the handle to her bedroom door and walked outside. He wasn't there. Where the hell was he? Did he think she was lying about shooting him? He had another thing coming if he did. She walked slowly towards the stairs. Walking down them, she looked above the banister. The living room door was slightly ajar. Nothing unusual.  
  
Saying that, she didn't expect the lights to go out. The whole house was covered in darkness. She started to shake. She was worrying about Dr Lecter now. He was obviously wanting her to play cat and mouse, but how would the game end? She made her way down the little stairs that were left. Tripping down the last one she came into contact with the hard brick wall. She made a little 'oof' noise. Nothing too loud. She turned the corner; the kitchen windows blinds weren't down yet. The moonlight was pouring in. She could see her way to the kitchen. No-one was there. If he wasn't in the kitchen and he wasn't downstairs. That meant, he must be in the living room.  
  
She walked cautiously towards the door. Opening it slowly, she walked in. She stood in the middle of the room. She was shocked. Her eyes widened at what she seen before her. 


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: The characters of Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling belong to Thomas Harris. For now, I am only using them to try to entertain you.  
  
Chapter Three  
  
Dr Lecter watched as Clarice walked towards her bedroom. He knew she wasn't lying about shooting him. He was of course worried about her. He could see she hadn't been sleeping properly; the bags under her eyes were rather large. She looked very pale. She wasn't eating properly. Was she like this because of their coupling at the lake house? Did he do this to her?  
  
Pain struck him; it felt as if his heart was crushed, cut into two. He stared at her now closed bedroom door, he wanted to make it up to her, show her he wasn't the monster that the media portrayed him to be. He walked down the stairs making his way to Clarice's kitchen. He needed to do something that might please her. Might bring a smile to her face, then again..whatever he did might anger her.  
  
When Clarice walked through her living room door at that precise moment, Dr Lecter had just finished the little touch-ups. Clarice was utterly shocked. Hadn't she told him not to move? Oh, he had moved all right, he had looked through her kitchen cupboards. Nevertheless, she had to admit it this was beautiful. Dr Lecter had taken the candles she left for the blackouts and had arranged them all around her living room. Scented candles too. The smell was magnificent, different smells mingling with each other. It was just fantastic. The room was cast in light and shadow. The candles flame wavering from time to time.  
  
Dr Lecter looked at Clarice; so many emotions were flooding her features. The room looked amazing, it had the exact effect he had wanted. Hopefully this would woo Clarice into speaking to him, on a friendly basis. He didn't want Agent Starling kicking in again. That he could not handle. He was tired of playing games, all he wanted was Clarice. He wanted Clarice to know his true feelings so she could see that he was..in fact a man. A lonely man in love, with the most beautiful woman he had ever met in his life.  
  
He sat on the floor, taking in the sweet aroma of the scented candles combined with the lovely scent of Clarice. She looked into his eyes as he looked into hers.  
  
Clarice Looked at him and made her way to her sofa. She sat down never taking her gaze off Dr Lecter. She parted her lips slightly, not knowing what to say to him at this moment. She was too stunned to think of something horrible to say. They sat there in silence. Not one of them wanting to break the silence.  
  
Dr Lecter looked at Clarice and decided he needed to say something.  
  
"I think I need to apologise Clarice."  
  
Clarice looked at him and sighed.  
  
"I think we both do Dr Lecter."  
  
"Have you been feeling like this since our meeting at the lake house?"  
  
She looked up angrily. He was trying to analyse here again. Couldn't he just stop with the analysing and hear her out?  
  
"Feeling like what Dr Lecter? I feel perfectly fine."  
  
That was a lie, and they both knew it. Dr Lecter made that clicking noise with his tongue.  
  
"We both know that isn't true Clarice. I can see by your features you're not fine. Look at the bags underneath your eyes, or the paleness of your skin. Your speech is slower, and to be perfectly honest Clarice. You look ill."  
  
Clarice closed her eyes. The truth hurt. Everything he had said there she had seen herself in her bedroom mirror. Every detail. Nothing slipped past him.  
  
"Dr Lecter, you come in here, wait.you BREAK into my home. You spy on me while I'm in the shower, and now your telling me how I feel. I'm feeling like this because of you and your damned tea party! I wouldn't be like this if it wasn't for you making Paul eat his own brain. Kissing me, leaving me to face this by myself. You don't have a fucking clue have I feel so stop analysing me and look at yourself for once.I have tried so hard these past few years. I thought maybe if I took my mind off of you I'd be able to get on with my life, but it never happened. YOU know I love you. I know I love you. So why do I feel so bad? Why do I feel like every day just drags on to make me feel worse? Every night since the lake house..ive wished you'd come and take me away with you, share the same house with you. Share the same bed with you, and id always wake up in tears because you weren't there sitting by my bed. Not a damned phone call or a single letter. Not a single thing!"  
  
By the end of Clarice's speech, she was shaking with anger and with her emotions. Never in her life had she needed to depend on someone as much as Dr Lecter. After her fathers death she thought nobody would be there for her, and then he hit the scene. He cared for her, understood her. He understood her more than she understood herself and that scared her. What would the outcome be now, that she told him everything she kept bottled inside of her? He would probably kill her. How could she blame everything on him? He hadn't killed her father..it wasn't him that made the lambs scream. So why did it feel as if it was him ruining her life?  
  
Dr Hannibal Lecter sat there, listening to Clarice blame him for everything bad that had happened in her life. He sat there with a stone cold stare. His face showed no emotion at all, but inside he was angry. Oh he was burning inside. The cheek of her! He had tried to make her see the real world. He had tried to make her feel better about herself and all she was doing now was throwing it back in his face. It was like kicking dirt into his face.  
  
Slowly and calmly, he stood up. He looked at Clarice's red teary face. He clenched his jaw and stared at her, his eyes were cold, even Clarice could see that. Clarice got up from the sofa and backed away slowly. She didn't notice that she had come back to back with the wall.  
  
A/n Thank you for all the great reviews..i didn't think this fic would amount to anything, but I'm writing the fourth chapter, so I must be doing something right. 


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: The characters of Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling belong to Thomas Harris. For now, I am only using them to try to entertain you.  
  
Chapter Four  
  
All those years without anyone by her side..apart from herself. Clarice never felt lonely. She would always see herself as the best company she could have. Drinking herself stupid was one activity she loved, but a part of her knew she needed someone. Her father was the world to her, after his death Clarice relied on herself. How could she rely on someone else? She didn't dare have a long relationship with someone she liked. There was no meaning to that relationship, no basis of want or love. Therefore, she distanced herself from men. Altogether, then Paul Krendler entered the scene. With his groping and his sly comments, he put Clarice off men totally. However, out there she knew there was someone for her, although she couldn't make herself say it, she was in love. Meeting Dr Lecter for the first time had changed her life. Why she didn't try to contact Dr Lecter was a mystery, of course she wanted to be with him. She wanted to fall asleep in his arms and awaken with him lying next to her. She wanted to look into his eyes and whisper that sacrificial three words. 'I love you'. However, she sat and waited, waited for a letter, maybe a phone call. Who knew, he might contact her, but he never did. Everything she had shouted to him in anger was true. She just wanted him to feel her feelings. Ache for her as she ached for him. Why he came back, she didn't have a clue. Why would he endanger himself once again, just to watch her, speak to her?  
  
So with that revelation, Clarice looked deep into the doctors eyes. She felt fear; she could see the coldness that plummeted from the doctors eyes. The tensed shoulders, the stiff walk.  
  
Her body froze, against the cold wall she just stared at him. She knew this would be the end, but it was when the Doctor walked up to her and smothered her lips with his that surprised her.  
  
She felt the warmth of his lips, her mouth opening for him. Their tongues dancing in a ferocious battle. Her hands automatically reached for his neck, pulling him towards her more, wanting so much more of him. The good Doctor, resting his hands on her hips. The kiss was hypnotic; both parties were lost in this battle. Confused at these feeling towards each other, but they were enjoying the closeness between each other. It was Clarice who pulled back from the kiss first, opening her eyes wide. Panting for lost breath, she whispered one name. One name that would always put a smile on Dr Lecter's lips.  
  
"Hannibal"  
  
He couldn't get enough of her. He knew this was the beginning to something special, but some things were still yet to be identified as to WHY she had blamed him for those things. He hadn't intended on hurting her. The opposite, he wanted to make her happy. This was the only person in his life that was close to him, Mischa would always be in his heart, but it was time for Clarice to take her place. She was rightfully his, and he would never let her go. No matter what. He would protect her always.  
  
For the both of them, this was something new. It was intimacy, but it was something stronger than love. For ten years they had both put their feelings on hold, and for it to come to this almost made them both laugh. They had fought with each other, trusted each other, and helped each other. It was now time for them to enjoy each other. To look at each other and feel that something rise deep within their hearts. The feeling of wanting someone more than you could have him or her. For the both of them, this was the second time in their lives that they had loved someone so much, beyond the boundaries of love. They didn't want it to end in tragedy like the last love. They both knew that if the worst came to the worst they would stick by each other.  
  
Words weren't needed as they stared into each others eyes. Smiling they embraced for what seemed like forever. The contact between them made their bodies stiffen. Electricity running through their veins.  
  
Closing her eyes, Clarice drifted off into the new world that they would now share together.  
  
A/n : Well that's all for now, please review and tell me what you think. You reviews are gratefully appreciated. 


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